We get what we give. There’s a universal rule for you that levels the playing field! Problem is, most people aren’t aware of it, or perhaps like me had a hard time really understanding the depth of what that meant, and how liberating it can be.
This has been one of my biggest lessons of all. The simplicity of it is both wonderful and challenging. Challenging because we are conditioned to look for the flaws, pitfalls, and potential disaster. This is where sayings like, ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop’, or ‘This is too good to be true.’, originate from. Although those sentiments are shared in an attempt to keep you ‘safe’, they are someone else’s fear being dumped all over you – no thanks.
The problem with this is we will find exactly what we seek, so be careful what you put your attention on. Often fear is running the show, hence why so many people struggle with dating and let’s face it, often times life. If everyone’s waiting for the shoe to drop, guess what?
If we believe there is a lack of something, then we will only see the absence of it and show up in the world operating from that place. That can look like everything from having a crappy attitude and repelling exactly what you desire, because hello, who wants to hang out with negativity? To missing out on something great because how could it possibly be good? Enter self-sabotage.
Looking for flaws instead of gold. Not taking the risk to go on a date, because what’s the point, it’s going to be more of the same, disappointment… not helpful. You also run the risk of attracting the exact thing you have a shitty attitude about (more like guarantee). Those people show up in our experience as an invitation to learn and shake ourselves out of our negative cynical states, or we can choose to take it as proof (although we created it) and keep singing the same song, telling the same story that there are no good (wo)men out there anymore, or that it’s hard to date in my city, or, or, or…
Well now that I have beaten that proverbial horse to death, let’s talk about how you can turn that ship around.
If any of the above resembles you remotely, don’t take this as an opportunity to beat yourself up, or stick your head in the sand, instead take it as a get out of jail free card, to start fresh – right this hot minute. If you think it doesn’t resemble you remotely and other people are to blame for your current dating experience, stop, scroll up, get honest and read again. Nobody likes a victim and by the way, you’re the common denominator sweetheart.
First, drop the story. I mean it, stop telling the story you don’t want, don’t focus, share, or lament about what’s not working. Give. It. Up. Instead, only tell the story you want, focus on what’s going right, and that can begin with you. That’s right, you. Focus on your good stuff. If you have to begin with, ‘I have fabulous earlobes’, so be it. The point is to start.
If that’s a challenge, begin creating the good for YOU in your experience. Have more fun, do something out of your comfort zone and enjoy the thrill of it. Take charge of how you’re experiencing life, that’s your job – not someone else’s.
Here’s the part that really changed things for me… because we all want tangible proof in order to feel better, it can leave us… wanting. But this is a case of you having to believe it to see it, and not the other way around. This is what helped me – if focusing on the negative, what’s missing, and what I don’t have hasn’t been working and seems to be creating more of the same (ex. why do I keep meeting the same kind of person, having the same relationship, experience…?!!!) then so is the opposite, and that’s the set me free, yes! to liberation part.
Where to start?
Well, adopting a philosophy of positivity will help you immensely. Expecting the best, but not being attached to how that looks will take you even further, as will changing your lens to look for the good in everything instead of the bad. Begin to condition yourself to look for the beauty, love, acceptance, and kindness in the world, and it will reveal itself more to you.
I personally do this by noticing and appreciating people that show affection and kindness in my every day (couples holding hands, someone holding a door open…), and by being in the practice of looking at people in the eyes while out on the street and smiling. Does everyone smile back? No, but that doesn’t stop me from looking for the good in them and holding my smile, and more often than not my smile is returned. Either way, I’m being accountable for how I feel and show up in the world, and in turn encounter more people that are in the same state of mind because my state of mind allows me to see them. I look for the good in my day so I can enjoy myself and see others as the lovely human beings they are without negativity blocking my view.
This takes practice and presence, but even more importantly a desire and willingness to want something better, and a commitment to give up the things that don’t support you in that endeavor. The first thing to go? Telling the old bullshit stories that keep you stuck and not showing up in the world in a way that supports what you desire. How you do you, is how you do life, and love is a big part of that.
Is it easy? Not in the beginning, but boy oh boy will you have a much more enjoyable dating experience, relationship, and time in your life when you start living the belief that only good things and people are coming your way.
Before you know it, that reality will be your experience. Because you have to believe it to see it.
Share this Post