He had cornered me in our walk-in closet, he was right in my face, yelling menacingly. Attacking my worth and throwing things I had shared with him in confidence as painful attacks, as they were a betrayal of my trust in him.
It was ugly.
It was also the moment I decided – ENOUGH.
Like some inner light went on and said “That’s it Andrea, time to go.” And that is exactly what I did – leave. Like right, that minute. I now know I would ace leaving my home in a fire, I’ve already done it.
This was my “Come to Jesus” moment. Not in a religious way, but a universal smack to the head kind of way.
My body, mind, and soul were not having any more of it, and this was the exact experience I needed to shake myself out of the relationship haze I had been operating in with this man for the last, we bought a house and moved in together, 3-year relationship.
I love the quote, “Life will continue to provide you the same lesson until you learn it.” In this case, it took me 3 years, and to be perfectly honest, it’s still one I keep on my ‘best learned’ list.
The point of me sharing this with you is that we ALL have made poor choices in partners, dates, and relationships, but it’s the staying in the stuck that makes it the most painful, or even worse becoming accustomed to the pain so that we don’t know any better. I don’t want that for you, and if this article can help you avoid a ‘brick moment’, it’s a win.
In my situation, I was stuck because unbeknownst to me at the time I chose a person that was the epitome of all my limiting beliefs conveniently rolled into one man, and a bit unfairly I chose him to replace the family I had just lost when my mother died. Neither done consciously, neither helpful.
Not a good recipe for success.
This is it. We often make our choices from places that we are not aware of, from places of fear and lack, and most often from places that do not honor us. We choose and attract those that provide us with the opportunity to heal and grow, and as nice as that sounds on paper, often the lessons are painful and can have us traveling down a path… that finds you cornered in a closet, or worse.
So what to do?
A great place to start is to look for a pattern of negative traits that your past dates and relationships have embodied. Fun, right?! (insert sarcasm). However, it is a worthy exercise and very illuminating. Look for traits like… non-committal, short-tempered, untrustworthy, liar, unsupportive, late, unkind to others, condescending, no follow through… really anything that has you feeling bad -unloved, unappreciated, unseen. Put on your big person pants and courageously take a look. It’s very revealing.
Stay with me, this un-fun exercise has a silver lining.
Next, reflect on what had you choosing those people. Be curious, NOT judgemental. Become the Nancy Drew of your romantic life. There is some story you have been telling yourself that legitimized your choice in that person – own it. Then declare it. That’s your first step in claiming your power back – and you have been giving it away (this is where the anxiety and angst come from, but that’s another post).
The big discovery for me through this process was I believed I couldn’t do this life on my own, and that my value wasn’t in who I was, but in how I looked and what I could do for others. Not a great place to be making choices from (*facepalm). However with my newfound knowledge and being SO done with that old dialogue, I began to do the heart and mindset work to clear that crappy belief hoo-haw out of the way.
The number one thing you can do for yourself is to choose yourself. To decide that it can be better, that you deserve better – because you do.
We are not here to settle for second best, to compromise you for the sake of others. That said, it takes you showing up for you, doing the work, owning your stuff and beginning to be what you want in your life, to get there.
You will never again find me cornered in a closet, EVER, but I am so grateful for that experience. It has been one of my greatest teachers. I am grateful to him for being a catalyst for change in me, and even more so because I get to pass on this wisdom to you.
Want to dive into this topic further? Have something to say? Let’s talk about it! Post in the comments or visit my business page over on Facebook.
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