I have learned that TRUST, or the lack of it, in us and others can be one of the biggest stumbling blocks for many when dating. It shows up first, in our relationship with ourselves (as does everything by the way – damn it).
Symptoms can include a lack of boundaries, or can swing dramatically the other way with firmly established walls, both a result of having a lack of faith and trust in our ability to choose wisely. Both resulting in unhappy and unhealthy dating experiences, or perhaps none at all.
A lack of boundaries results in resentment.
Oooooh ya, you know what I’m talking about. The – ‘I can’t believe he/she did that, what a complete lack of respect they have for me!’
P.S. indignation can be an indicator of a lack of boundaries too… you wouldn’t end up there if you had them.
But guess what?! You’re responsible for upholding your boundaries (damn it), and if you aren’t, then there’s a pretty good chance you don’t trust yourself either (damn, damn it).
Someone has gone too far, said too much, or made an assumption? Time to exercise and communicate your boundaries!
Boundaries do a number of wonderful things, first and foremost they allow us to remain peaceful and in a place of power and contentedness – hello Zen Gatekeeper!
How can you create that sense of peace?
Well… when you have boundaries, you know no one can mess with you because you’ve made it clear what’s ok (acceptable) and what’s not – you have your own back.
Someone doesn’t honor your boundary? Then you get to decide – am I going to uphold my boundary, or am I going to side step it (and in turn abandon myself)?
Clarity about what your boundaries are allows you to effectively communicate them, and then it’s all about the follow through.
Having your own back results in others doing the same, or they don’t get your time, energy and beautiful heart.
AND, there is no convincing someone of your boundaries. You will have dates and yes, even a partner that will test yours, that’s ok, it’s bound to happen, but what you do about it (with kindness and grace – yes you can be kind and firm) is what dictates how that relationship moves forward.
A loving side note – you will not always uphold your boundaries, they will slip, YOU will slip – you’re human. But guess what? You get to re-establish, re-confirm and re-instate them. There is no such thing as too late.
Trust and boundaries go hand in hand, one can’t exist without the other. I invite you to check out yours.
So tell me, does your proverbial perimeter need some TLC? How are your boundaries? Where’s the opportunity to strengthen yours in your romantic life? Let’s talk it out, share your findings over on my business page on Facebook.
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